Christmas Eve! :)

This is a delayed post for yesterday, my computer died while I was starting this...But, it was a good day. We straightened up and got dinner ready, and Manda and Julie came over to excange gifts and the Toneys exchanged one gift from each other. We had a blast. Afterwards, Manda, Justin, Mama, and I went and got Daddy's new chair and set it up all pretty. I took Manda home and got a cheesecake on the way out. :)
But I think I will let the pics talk for themselves. :)

2 Days 'till Christmas!

It's almost Christmas! :) I have spent the last 2-3 days doing last min. shopping and wrapping presents and getting ready for the holiday. Today, Mama and I went out for our very last presents to buy, and then we sat and watched A Christmas Story while we ate lunch. Tonight we wrapped presents and watched the Incredibles, and afterward I made cookies...I love cookies.
Its Christmas time...and it makes me happy. I spent 2 hours in bed last night unable to sleep because I was thinking about Christmas and how much I love it.
Merry Christmas!

I want to see this, and would love to be on it...

New Show

Before and After

So I don't look plastic, but I do look like Frankenstine's child... :)
Well, the actual procedure went ok, it freaked me out (hearing you own skin being cut is really wierd), and the medicine in the shot burned like hell, but other than that it was fine. It hurts on and off now, mostly it hurts in my cheek bone and jaw, and occasionally the muscles spaze. But, I am now ScarFace. :P

going under the knife...

Well, in about 10 min. I leave to go to the plastic surgeons'to get my cyst removed. I don't think I'm scared, cause they're not even putting me under...it just freaks me out that knives are going to be so close to my eye. But, Later today I will probably be loopy and numb and not feel a thing, untill tomorrow.

Love...a fickle thing.

A friend asked me recently if I had a "special someone", when I replied that I did not and have not for a while, he asked if I did want someone. My response was "yes and no"...this of course envoked an elaboration...here in, is such...

I want someone to love, and I want a family, and I need a husband to have a family, and to find a husband I need someone whom I love unconditionaly and whom loves me the same way and equally. I want a friend that I can touch and hold and lean on and share a hand with. But I am afraid to love, afraid to mess things up again, afraid to hurt either someone else or myself...I don't want to deal with the stress of it all, the pain of it, the miscommunications, the non-communication, and the actual communication. I don't want to hurt the whole time I am in love, all though that is mostly what love entails. I want love...but I don't.

And then there's the problem of when I actually go after love and it is not returned, when no one around me seems to want me, or want the same things I want at the same time...except one, only one and he does not want me or love me and I cannot have him, want him or love him. He is engaged. Therefore, offlimits, even to ask if the emotions are mutual, is out of the question. Now, the question that is sure to follow that statement is surely "do you love him?" The answer is no, now would I want to love him, and want the same things in return? Absolutly. But I cannot, and will not.
So, I am left here, alone and without love.

My friend in which this convorsation began, asked me, in simpler terms, how I am reacting to this sort of situation. Response: I am lonely, empty, unwanted, wanting, indifferent, tired, content, uncontent, and trying not to care.

So, I leave you now with my favorite quote of all time that I try so hard to live by and has proven as difficult as it portays itself to be.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return."

ACC Championship! Go Tech!!!