For the past few days I have been walking in a very thick fog. The combination of very little sleep and being stressed out with various things is taking its toll. I have no room to complain about my situation when I know that others are going through such worse cercumstances. But, I'm tired, very tired, and I can't sleep even when I try.
My Jojo got me a little hooked on Ingrid Michaelson recently, and there is a song of hers that I really like, well there are more than just one obviously. It is called "Keep Breathing" and it says "All I know is I'm breathing, all I can do is keep breathing" I feel that way lately.
Because we are just breakable girls and boys.
Thank you Jojo for introducing me to Ingrid. :)
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Time-I have none of it
Isn't it funny how you always try to prove to the people around you that you are actually doing your best and that you don't do those things that they say you do...and then right after they say that...you do them, and you realize that you aren't doing your best...not even close. And then what do you do? Say "oh sorry you were right" and then just continue to do it? Or do you actually get off your ass and start trying, actually trying and not putting things off. No, apparetnly I can't.
I go through the week saying "if I can just get to Friday, then I can actually get some sleep and I can catch up on all of my homework and I can get some cleaning done and I can spend some time with the ducks so that they're not so neglected all the time." And you know what happens? I don't do shit through the week, so I end up having to cram everything into the last few hours of Sunday night without falling asleep because I'm still not getting enough sleep even though I should be because there has to be time because I'm not doing anything productive so what else could I possibly be doing? And then I get back to school on Monday morning and I'm exhusted and I didn't even get all of my work done because I was so tired the night before and it was 2 am and I still wasn't finished.
I think the portion of the brain that contains commonsense doesn't exist in my head.
I am supposed to be going to NC Thurs. shortly after I get out of class, well, due to the fact that I put alot of things off for way too long and other circumstances out of my control, I won't be leaving untill much later and I will have to be rushing around trying to leave...not what I wanted. But, then again, when do we ever get what we want when we can't even to the things that need to be done?
*sigh* I'm done blabbing, atleast right now.
I am just so tired of never doing the things that need to get done, and when I do, its not done right or on time.
I go through the week saying "if I can just get to Friday, then I can actually get some sleep and I can catch up on all of my homework and I can get some cleaning done and I can spend some time with the ducks so that they're not so neglected all the time." And you know what happens? I don't do shit through the week, so I end up having to cram everything into the last few hours of Sunday night without falling asleep because I'm still not getting enough sleep even though I should be because there has to be time because I'm not doing anything productive so what else could I possibly be doing? And then I get back to school on Monday morning and I'm exhusted and I didn't even get all of my work done because I was so tired the night before and it was 2 am and I still wasn't finished.
I think the portion of the brain that contains commonsense doesn't exist in my head.
I am supposed to be going to NC Thurs. shortly after I get out of class, well, due to the fact that I put alot of things off for way too long and other circumstances out of my control, I won't be leaving untill much later and I will have to be rushing around trying to leave...not what I wanted. But, then again, when do we ever get what we want when we can't even to the things that need to be done?
*sigh* I'm done blabbing, atleast right now.
I am just so tired of never doing the things that need to get done, and when I do, its not done right or on time.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
When my heart can't get the words to my mouth...Music does it for me
Headlock
--------
I've been walking, you've been hiding,
And you look half dead half the time.
Monitoring you, like machines do,
You've still got it, I'm just keeping an eye
______________________________________________
Hide and Seek
--------------
Where are we? What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to form,
Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling.
Spin me round again and rub my eyes.
This can't be happening.
.................
The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this
still life.
Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines. (Oh, you won't catch me around here)
Blood and tears,
They were here first.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's all for the best? Ah of course it is.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's just what we need? And you decided this.
Mmm what you say?
What did she say?
________________________________
Loose Ends
-----------
It's complicated... this time, I think it could be.
Triangulated, it could be just what we need...
So what you say... we give it up and walk away?
Nothing to salvage, anyway.
............
Not now, not ever, no... it's never a good time.
How will the good times ever roll along?
Comparing photos then and now.
Just wondering...wondering...where it all went wrong.
.............
Want to, oh, need to, oh, Try to, oh none of the above...
_______________________________
Shine
-----
Rain drain my play away
Sun gun me down and burn me
Nature hates me today
My head distorts reality
Madness just moved into my shadow
Shine - I will not cry and I will not die no
Shine - I will be there for me
Shine - I will not cry and I will be mine
I'll shine - shine
Who waltzed me into this
Am I now stuck here forever?
Luck just gave me a kiss
Then lashed me down with a leather strap
Trying to learn to swim without any water
Trying just to begin just when youre in for the slaughter
___________________________________
Speeding Cars
-------------
Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don’t feed me violence, just run with me
Through rows of speeding cars
The paper cuts, the cheating lovers
The coffee’s never strong enough
I know you think it’s more than just bad luck
___________________________________
The Walk
--------
Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now, cos you and I were never meant to be
I think you better leave; it's not safe in here,
I feel a weakness coming on.
Alright then (Alright then) I could keep your number for a rainy day,
That's where this ends, no mistakes no misbehaving,
Oh, I was doing so well, can we just be friends,
I feel a weakness coming on.
No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this
................
Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now; you're as close as it gets without touching me,
Oh no, don't make it harder than it already is,
Mmm, I feel a weakness coming on.
...............
Big trouble losing control,
Primary resistance at a critical low,
On the double gotta get a hold,
Point of no return one second to go,
No response on any level, red alert this vessels under siege,
Total overload, systems down, they've got control,
There's no way out, we are surrounded,
Give in, give in and relish every minute of it
_________________________________________
Just For Now
-------------
Just for now
...........
It's that time of year
Leave all our hopelessness's aside
If just for (just for now) a little while
tears stop right here
I know we've all had a bumpy ride.
I'm secretly on your side
..............
Well I, quit kicking me under the table
I'm trying; will somebody make her shut up about it?
Can we settle down please?
.................
Lie down
Deep breaths
Count to ten
Nod your head
.................
Pour me another
Oh, don't wag your finger at me
..............
Will ya get me outta here
Get me outta here
Get me outta here
Thank you again Imogen Heap
--------
I've been walking, you've been hiding,
And you look half dead half the time.
Monitoring you, like machines do,
You've still got it, I'm just keeping an eye
______________________________________________
Hide and Seek
--------------
Where are we? What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to form,
Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling.
Spin me round again and rub my eyes.
This can't be happening.
.................
The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this
still life.
Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines. (Oh, you won't catch me around here)
Blood and tears,
They were here first.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's all for the best? Ah of course it is.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's just what we need? And you decided this.
Mmm what you say?
What did she say?
________________________________
Loose Ends
-----------
It's complicated... this time, I think it could be.
Triangulated, it could be just what we need...
So what you say... we give it up and walk away?
Nothing to salvage, anyway.
............
Not now, not ever, no... it's never a good time.
How will the good times ever roll along?
Comparing photos then and now.
Just wondering...wondering...where it all went wrong.
.............
Want to, oh, need to, oh, Try to, oh none of the above...
_______________________________
Shine
-----
Rain drain my play away
Sun gun me down and burn me
Nature hates me today
My head distorts reality
Madness just moved into my shadow
Shine - I will not cry and I will not die no
Shine - I will be there for me
Shine - I will not cry and I will be mine
I'll shine - shine
Who waltzed me into this
Am I now stuck here forever?
Luck just gave me a kiss
Then lashed me down with a leather strap
Trying to learn to swim without any water
Trying just to begin just when youre in for the slaughter
___________________________________
Speeding Cars
-------------
Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don’t feed me violence, just run with me
Through rows of speeding cars
The paper cuts, the cheating lovers
The coffee’s never strong enough
I know you think it’s more than just bad luck
___________________________________
The Walk
--------
Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now, cos you and I were never meant to be
I think you better leave; it's not safe in here,
I feel a weakness coming on.
Alright then (Alright then) I could keep your number for a rainy day,
That's where this ends, no mistakes no misbehaving,
Oh, I was doing so well, can we just be friends,
I feel a weakness coming on.
No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this
................
Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now; you're as close as it gets without touching me,
Oh no, don't make it harder than it already is,
Mmm, I feel a weakness coming on.
...............
Big trouble losing control,
Primary resistance at a critical low,
On the double gotta get a hold,
Point of no return one second to go,
No response on any level, red alert this vessels under siege,
Total overload, systems down, they've got control,
There's no way out, we are surrounded,
Give in, give in and relish every minute of it
_________________________________________
Just For Now
-------------
Just for now
...........
It's that time of year
Leave all our hopelessness's aside
If just for (just for now) a little while
tears stop right here
I know we've all had a bumpy ride.
I'm secretly on your side
..............
Well I, quit kicking me under the table
I'm trying; will somebody make her shut up about it?
Can we settle down please?
.................
Lie down
Deep breaths
Count to ten
Nod your head
.................
Pour me another
Oh, don't wag your finger at me
..............
Will ya get me outta here
Get me outta here
Get me outta here
Thank you again Imogen Heap
Monday, February 4, 2008
The Walk
Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now, cos you and I were never meant to be
I think you better leave; it's not safe in here,
I feel a weakness coming on.
Alright then (Alright then) I could keep your number for a rainy day,
That's where this ends, no mistakes no misbehaving,
Oh, I was doing so well, can we just be friends,
I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.
Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now; you're as close as it gets without touching me,
Oh no, don't make it harder than it already is,
Mmm, I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.
Big trouble losing control,
Primary resistance at a critical low,
On the double gotta get a hold,
Point of no return one second to go,
No response on any level, red alert this vessels under siege,
Total overload, systems down, they've got control,
There's no way out, we are surrounded,
Give in, give in and relish every minute of it
Freeze, awake here forever, I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, it's just what I don't need,
Why make me feel like this, it's definitely all your fault.
Feel like this la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault
(Curtousy of Imogen Heap)
Stop that now, cos you and I were never meant to be
I think you better leave; it's not safe in here,
I feel a weakness coming on.
Alright then (Alright then) I could keep your number for a rainy day,
That's where this ends, no mistakes no misbehaving,
Oh, I was doing so well, can we just be friends,
I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.
Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now; you're as close as it gets without touching me,
Oh no, don't make it harder than it already is,
Mmm, I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.
Big trouble losing control,
Primary resistance at a critical low,
On the double gotta get a hold,
Point of no return one second to go,
No response on any level, red alert this vessels under siege,
Total overload, systems down, they've got control,
There's no way out, we are surrounded,
Give in, give in and relish every minute of it
Freeze, awake here forever, I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, it's just what I don't need,
Why make me feel like this, it's definitely all your fault.
Feel like this la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault
(Curtousy of Imogen Heap)
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