Snap back to reality....oh, there goes gravity

So after spending friday and Saturday with my brother, which was really an awsome escape from my personal Hell....I'm coming back to reality...and I hate it. I don't want to be here. I am seriously at the point where I would love to just grab a bag of stuff and just drive...just leave, go somewhere where I can be me...I want to get away from school and work, I want to sleep...actually fucking sleep....I need a break, I need to run away from life for a while. My friend and I decided that either this weekend or next we are going to go on a road trip to somewhere, just to get away from life....but that probably won't happen for a couple weeks because if we were to go somewhere we would have to leave after she gets out of class around 6:30pm on a thurs. and I need to be back by Sat. night, and next weekend family is coming so it can't be then, and the weekend after is her fall break and I think she's going to be spending that with her parents....I just need out...


also, I did get my depo provera shot, and it ended my period within 24 hours and I had only been on it for 2 days...freaking awsome that I won't have any more periods...sorry random side note that was probably too much info

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I got home last night at 10pm and just went to bed, I was really tired, and I figured I didn't have anything else to do, and if I go to bed now it will be easier to get up at a decent hour in the morning...well I didn't get out of bed till about 11:30am, and I haven't done anything so far today...I have class at 4pm which means I have to leave at 3:30...which means I have just over an hour to do something productive, like actually clean up Justin's room so I can start moving back into my room...I would like to get a quick shower before class, but I don't think that's going to happen.
Well, I think the plan is to get some more coffee after I finish this...start taking of all the laundry in Justin's room and putting it in my room (atleast, if not starting a load in the wash...) and putting my laptop and printer back in my room so that I have more incintive to go to my room when I get home instead of Justin's...then maybe I will just rinse my hair because I have major bed head right now and that's the only way to get rid of it....then go to class, I am hoping sooo much that my professor will accept my essay since its late, and I can get the stuff I missed last class...then I will probably hang out with some friends that I always run into after I get out of class, and hopefully I will be able to go to the Y for a little bit because I haven't been going much lately and I need to be going more often and get back to going atleast like twice a week....then maybe when I get home I can do some homework, and just chill out for the rest of the night. So...with an hour and 20 min. left....here I go.

Trying to pick myself up...

Today I am attempting to let everything just roll off me (like water off a duck's back---gotta love that analogy). I am going to go see Justin tonight and stay there till tomorrow night. I'm really excited to go see him, I miss him a huge crazy amount! I'm hoping to leave work in about an hour and on my way out take up a friend of mine's suggestion and get some starbucks. Hopefully that tiny bit of expensive heaven will push me just far enough out of my personal hell that I have been living in and into something better long enough so that I can pick up on my "I'm so happy I'm with my brother" high and continue "living life" for a while.

Well, I really shouldn't be on here at work...I am patiently waiting for my opportunity to run away for a little bit...

It has been a very long day...and I've only been awake for 3 1/2 hours...

I hate when all of my faults come flying at me and hitting me in the face just proving how much of a fuck up I am...the sad thing...its been happening nearly every day for a while now...

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Civil Twilight "Human"

There’s one way out and one way in
Back to the beginning
There’s one way back to home again
To where I feel forgiven

What is this I feel, why is it so real
What am I to say

It’s only love, it’s only pain
It’s only fear, that run through my veins
It’s all the things you can’t explain
That make us human

I am just an image of something so much greater
I am just a picture frame, I am not the painter
Where do I begin, can I shed this skin
What is this I feel within

It’s only love, it’s only pain
It’s only fear that runs through my veins
It’s all the things you can’t explain
That make us human

*whimper* I want starbucks, a blanket and fluffy pillow...

So...I went to bed last night at 1:30a (typical time for me to go to bed). I had a hard time getting to sleep and staying asleep...well I wake up (sleeping in Justin's room so the window is blocked out and I can't tell if the sun is up or not, but it still looked dark) after rolling around uncomfortably for a while and realizing that I was wide awake, I looked at my phone and saw that it was 6:30am. That is just rediculous! I mean I know that I didn't want to sleep past 10, but geez. So now after getting my english book and reading my assignments for today, and doing just about nothing else all morning, I am really tired and want a nap sooo badly. But the Dell tech is supposed to come out and fix my laptop before I have to leave for class at 3:30p (in an hour and a half).
I seriously could fall asleep right now.
Ugh...