Up-down-up-down, will my brain make up its mind before it throws up through my eye sockets? I don't get it...one second I'm normal (as normal as I can be) and the next I'm screaming and yelling at someone for something that I would usually just laugh at, and the next second I'm crying on my knees trying to keep those horrible thoughts out of my head-telling those voices to shut up and leave me alone. And once again I switch, I am now hyped up like an ADHD kid without his ridlin. I don't get it! What is the matter with me? Why can't I control this, its my body, my life, I should be able to control myself.
Although I have one constant...I'm thankful that it is a constant however I am un thankful that it haunts me so. This one that will never leave, never shut up. We have this love/hate relationship. I find myself hating her somedays, wishing I could live without her, but then I start to realize that I need her. I need her strength and her power that she holds over me.
Am I crazy? I guess I am...whatever.
Must go, the ride is starting again, I only get the brief break to stand up pick another seat and get back on the roller coaster.
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I know it seems crazy, but all this is rather normal!! Those of us who can see the craziness at least aren't denying its existance and therefore get some peace from knowing it will pass...and it WILL pass. You are a strong woman of faith and everyone will eventually let us down and we will always feel a void. That void can only be filled by our LORD and that longing you feel for more...that is eternity that He set in our hearts so we will find our way home!
I love you!
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