As life as an "adult" (if you really want to call it that) is rearing its big scary ugly head up at me, it is all coming faster and faster.
I was one of the few that realized that everything goes by really fast and that I should hold onto every moment. But for some reason its like life has been put on fastforward. I am graduating soon, prom is in less than a month as well as another chorus concert and my birthday. Guard will be officially over next Saturday...and just typing that makes me cry. It is one of the hardest things I am going to have to give up and I am so not ready for it. I'm not alowed to come back to assist/teach/or tech for another year along with either DCI or WGI under my belt, and honestly I don't know if that will happen because I have school, and frankly I am so sick of freaking school I want it done as soon as possible. I also highly highly doubt that I could even get into a corp or independent group.
I am not one of those kids so eager to leave their hometown and get as far away from my parents as I can. I love the small country town I live in, I love my parents more than anything. I love my friends, I love my guard......I love my guard, I love my guard. I don't want to leave them, and I have to. It sucks, major ass. (sorry)
I'm not ready...I don't want to be ready yet. But life doesn't stop for the insecure....and unfortunatly I am one of the insecure.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
My love for guard
Over the last four years I have spent over 1000 hours practicing, almost $3,000, and have preformed close to 100 times for colorguard and winterguard. I have poured my heart and soul into this program, many times putting my health at risk for the better of the team and program. When I first cam to tryouts for junior guard in eigth grade I had no idea that I would give care or love so much for this program. But just the same I had no idea that I would recieve so much in return. Guard is the one and only thing that I got right, the only thing that I am good at.
When I am watching a really good guard (ex: Pride, Fantasia, Aimatchi, Onyx, West Johnson, ect.) my heart starts pounding in my chest, I find myself holding my breathe, hardly blinking because I don't want to miss a single moment, on the edge of my seat. Being able to experience that and being able to be a part of that is one of the greatest gifts I could recieve.I am now having to let go of all of this, having to say goodbye to these things that I love to do, the people that I do it with, and I never realized how hard it was going to be. Yes, I still have the possibility of marching corps or going independent however, money problems still get in the way, so I might not. It is just so hard to let go of the thing that my life has centered around for the past 4 1/2 years, to move on from the thing that has been my life. But I guess that is a part of "growing up" and "becoming an adult." (which I know I truly won't for a few years now...I'm still a kid)
Tonight, after alittle tiny encouragment, I started to look at what corps I would want to march if I do, and what independent guard I would join. I started to realize that not only do I really really want to march corps and independent, but I have no idea how I'm going to either afford it or get sponsored or even have time for it....the "plan" is that I am taking the summer off from guard other than any spinning I do on my own and maybe a First Flight camp, then I will join the Powhatan Independent guard (if it exists) or another, and then the next summer I will join a corp, my dream is to either join the Blue Devils or Phantom Regiment....wow, I'm a BIG dreamer...but that's just me I guess, always getting my hopes up.
When I am watching a really good guard (ex: Pride, Fantasia, Aimatchi, Onyx, West Johnson, ect.) my heart starts pounding in my chest, I find myself holding my breathe, hardly blinking because I don't want to miss a single moment, on the edge of my seat. Being able to experience that and being able to be a part of that is one of the greatest gifts I could recieve.I am now having to let go of all of this, having to say goodbye to these things that I love to do, the people that I do it with, and I never realized how hard it was going to be. Yes, I still have the possibility of marching corps or going independent however, money problems still get in the way, so I might not. It is just so hard to let go of the thing that my life has centered around for the past 4 1/2 years, to move on from the thing that has been my life. But I guess that is a part of "growing up" and "becoming an adult." (which I know I truly won't for a few years now...I'm still a kid)
Tonight, after alittle tiny encouragment, I started to look at what corps I would want to march if I do, and what independent guard I would join. I started to realize that not only do I really really want to march corps and independent, but I have no idea how I'm going to either afford it or get sponsored or even have time for it....the "plan" is that I am taking the summer off from guard other than any spinning I do on my own and maybe a First Flight camp, then I will join the Powhatan Independent guard (if it exists) or another, and then the next summer I will join a corp, my dream is to either join the Blue Devils or Phantom Regiment....wow, I'm a BIG dreamer...but that's just me I guess, always getting my hopes up.
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